......to a big win in the end. So following on from my update.... I got very sick with a bad cold, I haven't had a cold in ages and forgot how grotty they can make you feel. So training wise I had to cover my classes and couldn't train as I had planned for Thursday - Sunday. Which with my 'normal' all or nothing approach isn't good.
BUT........ having acknowledged that I may tend towards falling off the wagon with food due to not being able to exercise, I really had to put my head down and focus and I am pleased to say I have emerged a winner!!
I have eaten to plan and not strayed, I had to try hard today when my inner demon ' bob the binger' wanted me to start eating for Christmas already!
But I have told him straight, am I not eating shit or binging from today and although I will be allowing a bit of what I fancy on Chrissie day, in moderate amounts, he will not be talking me into extending Christmas past CHRISTMAS DAY!!!!
I am so proud of myself for the success of this week and am hoping for another loss tomorrow, I am not prepared to just throw it all away and waste my time and energy put in this week.
So I'll do a quick check in tomorrow to update my stats.
On to other stuff, that being that I am still in love with my new club!! Here's something for Liz, Di and anyone else who loves RPM............Imagine cycling in this!! (really doesn't show it off, its bigger than it looks and bikes are beautifully spaced but believe me its awesome when your standing in it)
So I hope you are all well, ready for the festive period to hit, if it hasn't started already for you. Speak soon Shar x
After an exhausting week last week, the club opened and all went well.
Attendance to the club is low but they expected that due to the time of year.
The club is just gorgeous and has a great Head of Department team, reception team and PT's.
I feel totally at home when I walk in, I have a great GF team and cannot wait to take GF to the top.
Now for me!!
So from the above you can tell I was time poor last week, this put and end to trying to squeeze in training, I also wasn't teaching as I had all my classes covered to allow me to set up GF at the new club. This of course with my all or nothing attitude pissed me off.
Then I allowed a few not so good food choices to creep in. I don't think any major damage has been done, I forgot to weigh in this morning (yep your heard right, Miss Scales and the magic Number forgot to get on them!!) will weigh in the morning and log my results.
So this week has seen me back to my normal hours, classes and I have planned my training.
30 mins cardio
4 clean meals eaten - yep I know, not enough!
3 litres of water - yep I know, not enough!
Working on a few mental attitude changes, very powerful suff when you are finally willing to accept that changes are well over due and why.
One is to love who I am, whatever I am, what ever I look like, whatever I am doing.
So here goes - 'I am a strong and beautiful woman' (I'm sure I will one day believe this)
Anyway, bed is a calling.
Hope you are all well, been checking in with all blogs just not had time to comment, Sorry.
Like a Platinum Princess!!!!! Thanks for the great new name LIZ! :)
Yeppppeedoodee, my club opens on Thursday and today sees me start a week that will undoubtedly be one of my busiest yet.
We have a meeting today and hopefully we can all enter the club to get set up from tomorrow morning. Can't wait to show my Instructor team through and launch Group Fitness.
Anyway, update on me and how I'm tracking.......in one word - BETTER.
I am now under some guidance with my food and also working on bits and bobs that are affecting me emotionally and I have found this invaluable.
I didn't have a perfect week, but my first weigh in has shown a loss of 1.6kg so I am very happy with that. I have to be honest and say I wasn't at first!! I was so pissed at myself this morning, as better weekend could have seen me with better results. But you know what, I have to stop the looking back, stop the 'look what I did before', 'I had a great figure why did I go ruin it' etc, I have to effectively forget what I achieved before and focus on the NOW, the journey ahead.
So week one down and 1.6kg off. YAY!!!!!! Although I don't really want to have an 'end' date, I am a person that needs a goal, so I have set my self the target to be at the weight I want by my next quarterly workshop, which also runs in line with my Family coming from the UK.
I am posting my results week by week on the right hand side.
Anyway, must dash, meeting to attend, club to open darling!! :)
Just a quick update. Mainly to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who left me a comment or e mailed me direct after my post on Tuesday. The support is fantastic and really brings home what a support network we have here.
So what has happened since my post......LOTS.
I have done alot of soul searching. I have come to realize it has to be about the mind not just the body. I had a defining moment tonight, will share with you soon. I have sought some help and guidence to get me back on track. I will deal with this day by day, step by step. I have removed my next comp from the agenda (for now)I have to make inroads towards living this daily without having an end date all the time.
Not bad for 3 days, still a huge way to go but I am feeling very positive about my direction.
Disclaimer I do totally know that there are people out there worse off than me, people that are sick and poorly, people that are going through stressful situations, people that have had a loved one taken from them etc. I do know that what I’m about to post will seem minor to some. I do know and fully acknowledge how lucky I am. I have a gorgeous husband who really does love me unconditionally and ALWAYS tries to help me, my children are truly a gift to me and I am very lucky to have been chosen to guide them, I have a mum who has taught me a lot, whom I love dearly and has so many qualities I aspire to, my sister and best friend Nicola who I just adore & have been blessed to have a part of my world.
SO, when reading this please remember I started this blog to record MY journey, my thoughts, I promised to always be honest with what I write.
I was going to shut my blog down but feel that I have learnt so much from you wonderful group of bloggers over the last two years it would be a shame to do that. I also find this a very useful tool in my life with regards to being able to ‘talk’. I am apart from my family. I can talk to Paul but there are only so many times I can burden him with the same thing over and over. So I find in great to just type my feelings sometimes.
(Inserted after finished typing!) WARNING – Long post, lots of ramble but it feels good.
So here goes………….. I have felt like this before and it scares me. The last time I felt like this I was 100kg and probably at my lowest point. Since comp, 19 whole weeks ago now, I have been training consistently but have only had 6 weeks in total of eating well, a block of 4 weeks and another block of 2 weeks. I have constantly been fighting myself, I feel totally lost, totally out of control, total embarrassed, disgusted, weak, inferior to name but a few feelings. I have spent my life (in my eyes) not quite being good enough, feeling the lesser one, I always think people are judging me, never feeling I deserve to just find that place, that even keel, its almost like I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t struggling.
Some of you will know my history with my body image / weight, some wont but without going into it, it’s a long history of yo-yoing to extremes. My life has been about weight and how I look. I don’t like it like this but I am just not happy being overweight yet I allow myself to lose and gain in a repeated cycle. If you are saying’ ‘oh god, suck it up and get on with it’or ‘there are more important things’ then please know that if I could control this I would. Those that have been there and been consumed by something similar will relate, but maybe you are just not a repeat offender, I unfortunately have been
I feel I am at rock bottom again, I’m the heaviest I’ve been since we arrived in Australia and need to lose 11kg. Although I’m just hanging in there and stopping getting to the point where I won’t be able to get back up easily, I feel more hate, more disgust, more embarrassment than ever before. I feel very sad right now.
I clearly have underlying issues and have started to look into getting these dealt with by someone outside my circle. This will take time.
In the meantime I decided to write this, in the hope I can release it as I have just been bottling everything up until today I just broke down.
This is neither healthy for me or my precious family.
My husband brought it home to me today when he said ‘you have to realize that it is not only you that is affected, in a round about way it affects Maddi and Bryce. I just want to help you and you are doing your health no good’.
Whenever I have made a change before, I have made the decision, made the choice not to be this way anymore and I have succeeded, I read my whole comp prep today, that is just one example of when the decision is made.
This time I just haven’t been able to find the switch and it has remained very dark. Perhaps getting this off my chest, admitting that if I don’t make a change again I may not be able to claw my way out.
..........for giving me the kick up the butt that I needed to post again...... and because you asked so nicely I will update on my new additions.
Once again I would like to say I cannot believe how easy this whole process has been for me, the research, the pre operative process, the surgery, the recovery, the aftercare, everything really has been just fantastic.
I am more than happy with my results.
Here are some pics.......
BEFORE & AFTER (Side View)
BEFORE & AFTER (side angle)
BEFORE & AFTER (front)
So other stuff....
Tomorrow see's me start my new position - SUBIACO PLATINUM GFM!!!!!! for Fitness First.
I have 2 and a half weeks and the club will open, so some really busy times ahead.
I started back teaching last Monday and all is well. Have to have a very tight bra on to hold them still for Bodyattack but apart from that all is good.
Have started training with weights again and been out for 2 runs this week.
Maddison had her birthday party yesterday, she is 4 on Thursday!! We had a special party room at an indoor play place. She chose the disco room! glitter, hair and clothes were carefully chosen by the madam herself. She had a ball.
We also had a trip to School on Friday. Maddi got to meet her teachers and see her classroom for when she starts in FEB 08.
Bryce is still being the usual good boy, came home with a merit certificate from school for his effort in class, being happy and outgoing member of the class and taking a mature approach to his work this term. can't ask for more really. :)
Paul is working hard as usual and loving his job, building his client base everyday and even has no slots left in the evenings.
Four dishes I like to cook: 1. Spag Bol 2. Salmon 3. Roast Dinner 4. Pasta Bakes
Four qualities I love in people: 1. Honesty 2. Passion 3. Organisation 4. Kindness
Four Places I have been: 1. Route 1 round Australia 2. Cuba 3. Greece 4. France
Four things in my bedroom: 1. Mess!! Very un-virgo like! 2. A shoe rack for my Nike shox - 14 pairs 3. MY BED!! I say everynight when I get into bed "I love it here, I just need to get here a little earlier" 4. Very Virgo like! - a set of drawers just for my teaching clothes. A bodyattack drawer, a bodybalance drawer etc etc. Sad I know....
Four dirty words I like to use: 1.Can't bring my self to write any bad words here!! My mum reads :) 2. 3. 4.
I tag Magda, Ursula, Nicole, Ali and Hilary.
To respond to a tag, cut'n'paste the questions above and answer to your heart's content!
My Love...... Yes indeedy, I went to Justin's concert on Saturday night!!!!!!!
and here he is!
It was just amazing. I am a big fan of him and his music and some of you may know I won best routine at the All females, thanks to 'MUMMA SAM's' fab routine using Justin's - My Love song.
We had great seats and the whole show was great.
Anyway enough of Justin (for now!), I'm still healling well, I tried low option Bodyattack on Saturday, it killed me!! not to do it but to do LOW OPTIONS!! ARRGGHHHHHHH!!
Anyway, the bounce needs to be tamed a little more than the bra's I had on, so just gotta strap em in a little tighter! and all should be good.
Full movement in my arms, up, out, around, forward back in bench press motion, just not feeling I can do anything with weights and nor am I supposed to until 6 weeks.
I have a very busy few weeks coming up, actually not a few, quite a few. :)
I am hanging for the new Les Mills chorie and we have our quarterly workshop on Sunday coming. I am going to make a one time comeback and do my first love - Bodycombat. Just because we have Rachel Newsham coming to Perth to present it, she is Bodycombat's programme choreographer, along with her other half Dan, but he's not coming. She is just amazing and has such a great presence.
CLAUDINE - FANTASTIC!!!!! WELL DONE, you deserve it!! 2nd place is GREAT!
I have to say I have found the whole process so far a smooth one.
I am now back to exercising daily at low intensity. From 5 days after surgery I have been out walking, at a brisk pace daily.
From 10days after surgery I have been back at the gym doing low intensity cardio on the crosstrainer, walking incline and recumbent cycle being careful to keep a low to moderate heart rate only due to the risk of internal bleed or clot formations being disturbed.
At 12 days after surgery I commenced a lower body circuit with Hubby guiding me, light body weight exercises, seated ham machine, some medicine ball work.
My doctor is well known Perth and is highly recommended. When I was researching having the procedure, I took this into account and along with the professionalism of him, when I met with him and that of his clinic and staff I made my decision to book my operation. Before surgery his was the only name that came up when receiving recommendations and since surgery when I have been asked by someone who did my op and I state his name, they either say "that's who my friend/sister/cousin etc went with" or "that's who has been recommended to me". I am in no doubt whatsoever I have had the best Surgeon do my Breast Augmentation.
My after care has been amazing. Day 1 Surgery Day 2 - seen by doctor Day 3 - Clinic, seen by doctor and nurse Day 5 - Clinic, sen by nurse Day 10 - Clinic, seen by doctor and nurse Day 16 - Clinic, seen by nurse
So my incisions have healed 'extremely well' and look 'really good' for 16 days apparently I have started to use my bio oil.
So all in all so far so good on the 'boob' front. :)
I had a few days after surgery where my food was a little snacky and picky due to feeling a bit offish and I just ate what I fancied, when I was awake and hungry.
But all back on track now. Paul is committing to clean eating with me so that helps alot.
Paul and I have decided to design my nutrition plan and if I do say so it looks good. It will take me to the end of the year along with a training plan we have put together, then a change in training and food in the lead up to official prep, which will start for All Females in July.
I think the saying is 'All coming together nicely'.
OH YEAH!!!!! How did I forget this and not post it as the beginning!! We have a new Fitness First Opening in WA, December 13th. FITNESS FIRST SUBIACO PLATINUM
I interviewed last Thursday and was told yesterday I will be the Group Fitness Manager there!!!!! I AM OVER THE MOON!! I just love teaching GF and cannot wait to design & implement the Timetable and recruit a passionate group of Instructors to make 'my' new club a raving success especially in the GF studio.
Be Strong, Be confident, Believe, Shar x
Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle. Christian D Larson
At last..... Thanks for all the well wishes, good luck comments and even the personal e mails checking that I am OK!!!
So, my new 'boobs'. . . . . . . . . .ARE GREAT!!!! I have alot to update so will do it in parts!
PART 1 - Breast Augmentation - My Experience (WARNING: may be boring) Monday 22nd October My Dad drives me to the Hospital on the way to work, I head in, book into the DOSA (day of surgery admissions), which is like a big doctors surgery waiting room.
After being processed and in order of time of operation you get called to head up to another waiting area which is next to the preparation ward.
See the anaesthetist, (asking him for pre-med to be prescribed!), get called through to a bed, nurse does all pre-op checks, gown up, in my case ask for the pre-med the anaesthetist prescribed, get sleepy watching tele in bed.
The op time comes and I was wheeled to theatre, saw doctor who drew lines on me, given anesthetic, mask over face...................ZZZZZZZZZZZ
WAKE UP!!! tightly bandaged around torso and chest, no pain, just tightness. Drains either side. Taken to my room, stats taken and checked by nurse, shown how to use my call bell and bed remote......... ZZZZZZZZZZ AGAIN!!!
Drift in and out of sleep, see lunch come and go as just couldn't stomach anything, start to feel a little discomfort, not pain, ask for some painkillers.........ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ AGAIN.
Barely manage to string a sentence together when Paul visits, once he's gone I wake up a little, still can't eat my dinner, watch tele, and keep looking down checking out what may be under all the bandages!! Really hard to gauge as the bandages push them down and in and you can't really get an idea of how they look.
Nurse makes me drink a glass of water and then comes back and wants me to get out of bed to go to the toilet. Back to bed, get comfy, NOT, to go to, yes you guessed it SLEEP :) for the night. Due to the painkillers wearing off and having slept pretty much all day I am wide awake at 2am, cant really move alot as I was scared I would pull something, so just lay there for a couple of hours and finally got of to sleep.
TUESDAY 23rd October Breakkie brought round, which I was gagging for, I was starving. Nurse then came and un-bandaged me, then I could see my new 'boobs', was a little worried at first as to how high they seemed to be. It felt so good to have the bandages off. Was advised by the nurse to take some painkillers about 1 hour before drains were removed so did that. My doctor came round to check, he was pleased with how they were looking. Nurse then came to remove drains, now, this did hurt!!! but was about a 3-4 seconds each side to remove them, she then put on waterproof dressings and then I could have a shower.
I was then re-bandaged and off home to rest for the day until my appt at the doctors rooms the next day, to be shown how to massage them and be fitted with the Bras I am living in day and night for 3 weeks.
So step by step how it was for me from entry to hospital to home. Overall a positive experience, very little pain, more like discomfort and I am pleased to report my results are getting better by the day.
If anyone has any questions please ask in comment or e mail me.
Thanks Tara for he comment, it made me realize I hadn't updated at all since Monday!!
I have had alot going on this week. I am on Annual Leave from my GFC position next week so have to get everything done and dusted so my 2IC just does the bare minimum, they get 5 hours to cover for a week!
Also been teaching more this week, took some covers and have been doing cardio as per the last 3 weeks. Food all clean still I can't believe I have no caved in once, not he slightest bit of 'mind fighting' happening. the old body definately has some shape coming back!.
I think having my little social mini goals definitely is helping, they are all important for me to feel good about myself. Not necessarily be looking buff and in comp condition, as I realize that is not realistic all year round, but at least be within 'reach' (10-12 weeks prep, not 16 - 20!!) of comp condition and feel good about myself, this is my ultimate goal and I hope to reach that by Jan 08.
Also helping is the fact I wanted to get on top of the mind games and have lost a bit of weight before Monday. On Monday I go in to have Breast Augmentation done. It is something I have wanted done since my second baby and have been saving up. So now is a good time as I want to compete next October.
I am very excited but nervous at the same time. A big Thank you to a couple of bloggers, you know who you are :) who have been very forthcoming with info to help me through and recover well. I go in on Monday and will be home on Tuesday. Hopefully I will post mid week.
So trying times ahead with my food and exercise, being a all or nothing person it will be a real test for me to eat well if I'm not exercising. I plan to get out walking along our beautiful coastal path daily once I'm feeling up to it.
I will have plenty of time to as I won't be teaching Group Fitness for 4 weeks possibly 5!!!!!!!!!!! ARRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
I can't explain fully but this is an absolute night mere for me. Its not just about missing the exercise but I just LOVE my classes, my members etc, i hate covering my classes, oh well such is life.
I feel I'm on track for another loss this week so that will be good and I'll report that next week.
Nearly 4 weeks down on this particular journey!! Was it 28 days to break a habit, combat girl? when you sent me that I really didn't think id do 28 days but hey, look what we can do when we really want it. :)
Hey Hey 3 weeks done, clean eats for whole period, cardio daily twice a day somedays.
Loss this week - 1.5kg!! Total of 5.1kg fr the 3 weeks.
I am eating regularly, clean food, less carbs than Protien but still more than I would have thought I needed to lose weight, so all good at the moment. Water has risen a little, still could get more down me, but at least it has risen and stayed consistent.
Motivation is still holding, no fighting myself etc and I have alot of mini events happening at the moment, almost one every two weeks from now, enough to keep me focussd and interested in continuing without blowing out. Not major things, just things like events etc. For example - My Les Mills QW, always like to look 'presentable', as an instructor should, we have a Group Fitness Meeting coming soon where us GFM's hold an evening of awards, updating policy's etc for ALL our Group Fitness Instructors, I am going to see Justin Timberlake and can't wait for the night out. You get the idea. I might even pop my mini event list on the side here.
Anyway, bed is calling, early run to do tomorrow morning.
Loving to see the pictures that are coming through from the comps, still a few that need to post!! so looking forward to those too.
Shar x With each choice you make, consider what that choice will bring. You have the power to create your own results.
Everything still going well, food still on plan, no slips or mind games going on.
Exercise is still very cardio!! although I planned to not do as much this week to se if I still get a loss on the scales, so have reduced by 2 sessions.
I went to the INBA WA State comp today!! It was so good to be there and glad I made the last minute decision to go. Not only did I manage to see all the Figure classes but I caught up with SAM-I-AM, got to meet Rae, saw my collegue in her first comp along with 3 of Sam's girls.
WA STATE FIGURE NOVICE
There were 11 girls in Novice, they didn't split into heights. Was realy good to watch pre-judging. You can pick up alot of useful things - such as how to present, pose, bikini design and colour, also a few things to note that may assist you in becoming better at all the above i.e what not to do.
So all is well still progressing, will report on Monday and post my weekly results on the right hand side.
I hope you all are having a fantastic weekend.
GOOD LUCK TO ALL COMPETING THIS WEEKEND, 2 words for you all ........ .. PICTURES PLEASE! :)
Weekly Weight loss = 1.8kg Total (after two weeks) = 3.6kg
Skinfolds down and tape measurements down by a total of 8.75cm. Not bad in two weeks.
So onward I plod, I have a realistic target weight, bodyfat% and tape measurements in mind, once I achieve these I will re-assess my headspace and decide my next plan of attack.
I have a few options for next year and a few ideas I'm still working through so we shall see.
Anyway must dash lots to do! :)
Taken from Mimi's blog - 'Fitness is a lifelong pilgrimage. And like religious pilgrims, all who seek health must commit themselves to the journey. Those who do will find lasting results.' - Ray Kybartas
So, two weeks down of total overload of cardio!! - well I have to hang on to my nickname that Sam gave me - CARDIO SHARDIO.
Also two whole weeks of clean, regular eating!
Although I know I have a long way to go I have to relish in this moment, as since comp I have not been in control AT ALL, not even for a day. I feel like I have my 'ZING' back and am really focused on continuing this lifestyle.
So days 11 through to 14 saw me knock off another 7 cardio sessions and eat 5 meals per day of clean on plan food.
I will continue to blog but don't feel the need to tell you my meals or fluid intake, perhaps will still post my training I'll just see how I go from here, but one things for sure, THE ONLY WAY IS UP!!!!
I will report what the scales say in the morning, hoping for another loss I have worked my ass of this week.
Anyway onto other stuff.
IT IS SO COOL TO BE READING ABOUT EVERYONE'S JOURNEYS TO THEIR COMPS!! and there are more to come as the comps continue all the way to the Nationals.
So all those out there that read my blog that are competing or have competed do keep posting, do keep sharing your ride with us.
My ride to next comp will be happening it is just when that I have to decide, lots of thoughts as to what path to take, lots of options and choices to make with regards to training for it. Oh how exciting!!
Enough gabble for now.
See ya soon
Shar X Open Your Eyes to the beauty around you, Open Your Mind to the wonders of life, Open Your Heart to those who love you, And Always be true to yourself - donna davis
I will weigh in the morning an report this weeks result from the scales. Have tried a few pieces of clothing on that were tight and they are feeling loads better already. So all good even if the scales haven't dropped lots.
Had the old mind games shit creeping back in today, but I have managed to fight back and ward of the 'evil binge monster' telling me to eat crap cause its a weekend. So .... Day 7 Exercise Bodybalance Bodyattack
Eats 5 Meals eaten - 100% clean and on plan.
Water 2 litres - Still not enough but better 1 litre of herbal white tea
Weekly Round Up So lots of cardio this week but no weights! no excuses, I just didn't schedule my week well enough and most of my focus was on getting my food back on track so I can continue my lifestyle choice, as if I don't do that I won't be competeing again nor very healthy!
So, now my priority alongside eating a clean diet, is without a doubt training hard with weights again, other wise how will I get up on stage next year looking better than this year??
To those who are on a Long Weekend - have a good one!
Make it to a week that is!!! YES SHE CAN !!!! Bring on MONDAY!
Many of you may be reading this and thinking, WOW, 1 week, so what!!
I have been struggling a little today, the old mind games I used to play have been knocking at the door to come in and mess me up.
It's the weekend thing happening and although I could probably have a 'Free Meal' and not see any difference in my results for the week I know and recognise that right now I am not in a place that I would stop at one meal.
This is a major thing for me to admit to and be in control of. So on I plod, so what it's Saturday, just another day for me to cross off in my quest to live this lifestyle day in day out, week in week out, month in month out.
Also if I could fully explain what has happened to me mentally since my first comp in July you would appreciate that 1 week of totally clean eating is a major milestone for me right now.
So..... DAYS 5 & 6
5 Meals eaten - 100% clean and on plan.
1.5 litres - NO WAY ENOUGH AGAIN!!
1 litre of herbal white tea
1 hour Powerwalk
5 meals eaten - 100% clean and on plan
0.5 litre herbal white tea
So my water consumption is leaving a little to be desired right now so will really make an effort tomorrow with that.
I'm feeling very tired physically today, have been pushing it with the cardio this week so not suprised.
Bed early tonight will help me re-charge before another Bodyattack in the morning.
Report tomorrow and then hopefully after a good result on Monday, I may feel focused enough not to blog everything everyday? But if I think I need to then I will, I have to make sure all changes I am implementing, stick and stay, living it daily..............
PS a friend reminded me to day not to forget where i have come from and what I have achieved and you know what, she's right! So here's a reminder!!
Water 2.5 litres 1/2 litre of White Tea - Not tea with milk, white tea as in the more potent green tea.
So I'm flowing well! No mind games or fighting myself happening which is a welcome relief. It can really take it out of you mentally. Feel strangley in control, but hey, it has only been 3 days!! :) Better not count my chickens.......
A little tired today but having two Bodyattacks in a day generally gets me! especially when I give absolutely everything. Needed to up my fluid today, will focus on that more.
.....so that next time it needs switching ON I can do it sooner!!!!
I have spent the last 2 weeks doing alot of thinking, alot of battling, alot of chatting with my Mum who has been here from the UK and it looks like I have emerged better than I have been since my comp.
I wasn't going to come back to blogging for a bit but have decided to do so. The support that you get here is fantastic, I did find it helped whilst prepping and also I love that you can go back and read over previous posts.
So I'M BACK.
It has been one shit ride since comp but I can only learn from it, learn from my reactions, learn from the whole process.
My first lesson learnt is that whenever I have had success I have always had a target, an end date / goal etc. This is a good motivator for me to get to where I want to be BUT this can no longer be the case. I have to make this a Lifestyle, no begginning, no end, just a constant state of health. Hence the new blog name. I intend to embark on living the lifestyle.
I intend on getting back to a place that is maintainable all year round, leaving me only little work to do if I decide to compete again.
It is my intention to compete again next year, but right now my priority is to put all the lifestyle changes I made during prep into practice, find consistency and focus.
Although I have been consistently training since comp it is the food I have been struggling with. So I want to log my workouts and whether i ate to plan each day.
My day numbers are purely so I can see how far I have come as each day passes, I have no end point right now, obviously when / if prepping for a comp there will be 'COMP DAY' but this will not signify the end, just a pit stop on my what will now be a constant journey.
Day 1 - Monday Exercise A.M - 45 minute run P.M - 45 min incline power walk
Eats 5 meals 100% clean and to plan
Water 3 litres 1 litre of White Tea - Not tea with milk, white tea as in the more potent green tea.
Hope you are all well and those who are close to comp now, don't forget to blog as much as poss, its great to read how you are doing.
1) All the comments that I received in response to my last post AND all the e mails that I received, (which I haven't gotten around to replying to yet!!) I cannot Thank You enough for all the support, encouragement etc, it really does mean alot.
2) The knowledge that how I am feeling is very common amongst competitors but very few talk about it.
Things have been better for me this week and it seems to be since I have come out and said I'm struggling, almost like I didn't have to hide the tug-of-war anymore.
I still have major body image issues when looking at myself.
I also can't explain how hard it is for me to get up there and teach my classes feeling like I am right now. I feel like everyone is passing judgement and laughing at me. The only solice I find is in the fact that I give my all to each and everyone of my classes, I deliver the class with passion, energy and try to ensure my participants enjoy themselves and get everything they wanted out of the class.
The main thing I have struggled with this week is knowing that with even just 2-3 weeks of clean eating I will drop weight, skin folds will decrease and I will back on my way to feeling heaps better, but I find myself back in my old cycle of - need to get on track to make a difference, get on track but it feels so far away, no immediate changes, fall of the wagon, feel worse, eat more, need to get on track to make a difference and so on and so on. WHY!!!!!
I have been reading alot of positive affirmations and trying to fit in some meditation to try and bring focus. I am also going to look right back and remember my complete journey, perhaps I will post some pictures.
I am planning to pull it all together and get going again, I have to give it everything and I know it will not take me long to see the changes. OK, so committing to BLOGGERS, seeing as you were all so generous with your encouragement and kind words I should really take all of that positive and direct it into continuing this path of mine!
I have a mini goal in 6 weeks time, I will use this as an interim goal to set my focus again, lose a 'few' kilos but most importantly, find belief in myself again.
Starting - Tuesday 11th September I will try and blog each days results, at least until I am flowing again!
I was going to type - 'wish me luck' but you know what, I kow that its not luck thats needed, just hard work, belief and focus.
So, Hi, a long absence needs some explaining perhaps?
This post and perhaps a few more if I don't have time to tell my story, comes from the heart, no bullshit, truth and honesty all the way. Perhaps it will help someone, perhaps someone will relate, but if not, so what! it will damn sure help me to get it out!
POST COMP COME DOWN I was totally and utterly over the moon about how my comp day went. I went into the comp as I vowed I would, having given everything I could to both my training and diet. I enjoyed EVERY minute. My hubby was proud, Sam was pleased with me, I was pleased with myself and all I had given, I placed 2nd, won best routine, what more could I ask for??
Surely now I had achieved what I wanted to, I had stuck to a plan for 16 weeks, 16 whole weeks, I could continue with my new found discipline, my new found control.
NO, I couldn't.
In the days following the comp I found myself down, tearful, questioning could I have given more and worse of all BINGEING EXCESSIVELY.
After a week or so I tried to reign it in and get back on track as it was my intention to go on and compete in the WA STATE comp. Surely I could get my shit together and get back on track, I had just done it for 16 Bloody weeks, what the hell is wrong with me? A week turned into 2, then 3, I was fighting myself every minute, every hour, every day to get back to clean eating.
The weeks were slipping by and the WA state comps getting closer, so back to Sam went, fully clothed and refusing to take any off!! She looked at me and told me that I looked fine and we can make it. BUT how can the Shar I see in the mirror differ to what everyone else is seeing, coz I'm seeing some weak willed, fat, bloated, out of control individual. I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper and there was no-one who could possibly help me up again. I felt exactly the same, if not worse then I did at my biggest of 100kg. The feelings were painful and still are. I felt / feel pathetic, weak, disgusted and useless.
I believed in Sam and got back on track with my food, still fighting daily. But, the commitment and desire just wasn't there. I sat down with Paul and decided that I was wanting to compete in this comp for the wrong reasons. ALSO, very important to me is to be TRUE TO MYSELF. I promised myself if I ever went on to do a second, third, fourth comp I would always aim to step onstage in better condition than the last comp, I would not have been able to keep this promise to myself , so for that and the other reasons, I decided not to compete at the WA STATES. I am gutted but know deep down it is the right decision.
So to sum up, a fantastic ending (the comp) to a long journey (16 weeks comp prep) but a real mental beating after comp. I cannot fully explain what this has done to mentally, but I will have a fully planned after comp routine for my next comp and one thing I do know is that I will make it through this, I just have to find the belief in myself again.
Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle.
Just want to start by saying a BIG Thank you for all the comments!!!
Adele - Thanks for following my journey
Kelly - I didn't even know you were going o be at the show!! so gutted I missed meeting you!!
Mandy - Thanks for your congratulations
Lia - Thanks again for making me smile!! I was concentrating so hard!! So good to meet you.
Hilds - I did enjoy the whole experience and that is all I can ask for. Have had a few moments this week when I sat and looked at my 'whole' journey!! Very emotional. Great to meet you and I can't wait to see you up on stage!
Jodie - great to meet you too, thanks for the support on the day!
Kie - Thanks for your congratulations
Amy - Thanks for your congratulations
Pip - Keep pushing hard in your own challenge and Thanks for all your support each week when you come to my class!
Selina - i was good to meet you after all this time!! I only wish I had more time to sit and chat. Thanks for all your comments, and for posting a BUTT shot on your blog!!!!
Magda - Thanks for your congrats, you will make it too!! and the feeling is so worth it! Thanks for the e mail, I will get a chance to respond when I get back from my hols.
Ali - Great to meet you too. I'm looking forward to following your journey to your next comp.
Rae - Thanks rae, came in at the best I could be, thats all I needed to do for myself. Now I have areas to improve on and the work continues!
Hilary - have had this week off and eaten all the craving foods!! Yummy, my taste bids don't know whats happening! :)
Deb - thanks. Yes, I came in quite lean in my back. I am very pleased with my legs!! they just seemed to appear one day, it was great!
Liz - have taken this week of extra training, went straight back to teaching, in hindsight, should have aken the week off classes too!!
Livy - you can be powerul and strong, you must firstly BELIEVE you can make he change and the rest will follow.
So whats been happening since last saturday's comp?
We flew home on Sunday at Midday, I had about 10 or so friends com round to my BYO Cake party and showed off my medal, trophy and some pics.
I went staright back into training on Monday with a hard back session with Hubby and then swiftly decided to take the week of extra training. I had all my classes to teach though so no rest for the wicked.
I had a bit of difcult from Tuesday onwards with exreme swelling and waer retention in my lower legs, SOOOOOOO painful!! Joints became swoleen and it hurt just to move, let alone walk.
They have gotten beter as the week goes on but still gave my pain when I had to teach Bodyatack this morning.
So, we are off on holiday tomorrow, north of Perth approx 800km to Kalbarri and Monkey Mia.
I can't wait for the week away, work has been pretty stresy with alot of change and sickness amognst instructors.
There is no rest for the wicked though as I am now 11 weeks 5 days out from comp!!
Yes you heard right, I'm going to compete again in the INBA WA State Titles on October 13th.
So officially in Prep again and will be documenting my journey on this blog again so please come along for the ride.
So a little cardio to do whilst away and we are taking all the weights we can reasonably fit in so I can train. Food is all prepared and ready to go in the esky in the morning.
Anyway I will update again once we return next weekend, will also have my first weeks skinfold results etc.
Hope you are all well, thanks for continuing to read and also Thanks again for your comments, they mean alot!
Professional pics I had done - two weeks out from comp........
I placed second and am happy with how my posing wen, there are a few bits I could polish but of course you can only improve
After not really loking forward to doing my routine it was just so enjoyable and I won best routine
A personal overall sum up of my condition would be that I came in very lean and had good muscular shape and symetry but really need to build some muscular size. I am deinately looking forward to doing that and making impovements and at the end of the day that is how we develop and move forward. We all have our own starting point.
I have alot of other thoughts, comments, wants, needs, etc etc going on. This was always going to be my blog space to write my honest feelings and thoughts, BUT, right now I feel it's best I leave it with the summery above and have a few days to mull it all over.
Here's a few pics for those who are waiting....... THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT OVER THE LAST 16 WEEKS.
Front Double Bicep
Pose during routine
Back pose (backstage)
Just a THANK YOU to all those at the comp that were cheering me on and encouraging me.
I got to meet Sue, Di, Jodie, Ali, Jacinta, Jo, Hilde, Christy, Selina, Lia, Katie......... Probably have forgotten someone, not intentional if I did, sorry!!! I hope not as it was a pleasure to meet you all and have some support.
(Lia - your loud reminders to smile were so welcome!! )
I cannot Thank you enough for your help, guidence, patience, attention and knowledge. You got me to stage and when I post the before pics you will see how far we have come!! You are a true gem. THANK YOU, my dream has been made real and I wil continue from here.
LOVE YA......... SHAR-D-O xx
PS ( Thanks for the cool routine!! I've been called a mini sam!! Poor you!)
FIRSTLY THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS THEY MEAN SO MUCH!!
I have to be honest as I said I would when I started this comp blog - but I am reallly struggling to hold it together tonight!
I'm hungry, i'm tired and not sleeping whatsoever, I'm still working, teaching and trying to be a mum, wife and daughter in law!
If i take a look back I am proud of where i have come from, i am proud that really I haven't had to many motivational problems, I haven't had any slip ups food wise and I have managed to get through without finding it hard.
Don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting an easy ride in the last week but it seems to have just walked up and smacked me in the face big time! Sorry for the moan but I thought i would share my feelings.
I will go to bed, try and sleep and pull it together for another day ahead.
I taught at 6.15am this morning, did cardio, trained shoulders, work a few hours, then headed into the city to teach a Bodybalance and a Bodyattack.
I was waxed from top to toe today, not as bad as the first time. I have nails and pedicure tomorrow which will be 1 and a 1/2 hours of bliss so I have that to look forward to.
Tomorrow I have a weights session, Bodyattack class and Bodybalance to teach in the morning, a tanning session and then my final Bodyattack class in the evening to teach.
Hope you are all well and I would love to respond to everyone individualy but just can't right now. Please know that your comments are appreciated!!
Well I'm back from Sydney work trip and I coped!! training was all done whilst away, food was absolutely perfect and I am so proud of myself for pulling it all together.
Also................. I won GFM of the year for WA!! Go me!
Thanks for all your comments and Thanks to Liz for your e mail wishing me luck on Saturday I am really looking forward to meeting you all but a little worried I won't get much time on the day!
Anyway, just a quick one as I am fading fast, the changes have really affected my energy levels.
I'll try and update tomorrow and give you a little more info re: prep and results at this stage.
Lets just say 'SARGE' seems happy with how I've come in and my legs are well and truly here!!! YAY!!! Put it this way i NEVER wear shorts for my classes etc, but Sunday I put my 'one week out from comp' shorts on!! They will only ever be worn during this time but will definately be worn as much as possible!!
In-laws arrived from the UK today and all is going to plan..................JUST!!
So the time is flying by faster and faster!! I head off to Sydney wednesday for the Fitness First Conference. Have spent pretty much all evening double checking my food, cooking the last few bits and pieces.
Will throw some clothes, (which I had to go and buy as I have nothing that its!!) in the case just before I leave for the airport knowing me!
So update time.......
Weight dropped agian this week, lightest and smallest I have ever been!! still holding my measurements and skinfolds down slightly.
Sam actually gave me a little extra food this week!! CAN't BE BAD HEY!!!?
Will be back from Sydney on Saturday arvo, drive to Sam and have my last session wth her until I meet up with her in Melbourne.
Got my training instructions and a few diet instructions for the rest of the prep now and all the finer stuff will be given on saturday when I see sam. Depletion starts on Sunday.
I'm not sleeping at all now, very disturbed, tossing and turning, waking up in sweats, weing all the time too etc etc. a bit concerned that if it goes on for much longer before I get a good nights sleep i'll get sick or so exhausted i'll mess it all up.
OH YEAH, if anyone in PERTH wants / needs a photographer please let me know, I had the most amazing time when I had my pics done and the shots are just amazing!! Not of me but the photography is stunning! will post a few soon..........
Anyway, must go to bed, its 2am!!! and I'm not tired, whats with that????????
Bodyattack to teach in the morning so I hope I can sumonds the energy from somewhere when I wake up after 4 hours sleep and have to go crazey for a studio of people :)
Have a good week all and I'll blog again as soon as I can.
MY KINI IS HERE!!!!!!!!! and it is just devine, gorgeous, stunning etc etc..... Well I like it anyway!! :)
Just a quick update........................
17 DAYS OUT
All going well, was going to post some pics but have decided against it for a few reasons.
Starting to get all organised, about time hey!!
All relevent appointments are booked, waxing, nails, been tanning regularly for the last two weeks and will continue with that up to the day I fly to Melbourne.
Just got to get some jewellery and dream tan and all purchases are made. Will do this on Sunday, its hubby's birthday and we have got a babysitter and will go into the city for a Sunday arvo shopping session!!
Getting hair and make up done on Saturday and some prof pics, was going to the beach but the weather in Perth is not up to alot right now so praying for some dry days ready for Saturday, keep your fingers crossed for me.
Work conference next week in Sydney, from Wednesday to Saturday, all food is prepared, bagged etc so feeling good about that. Also have to train whilst there but have any Fitness First to choose from obviously, can' wait, always good to go to other clubs.
Still got energy for my Cardio and Bodyattack classes???? thought i would be hitting some kind of wall soon but feeling really good physically, can't say the same mentally!! Getting a bit, what I would call 'ditzy'.
I am not hungry and not had any specific cravings this week like last week, although could still eat peanut butter out of the jar with a spoon!! :)
Scales have dropped again, got this morning, shouldn't have as I seem to have broken my cycle of daily weighing, but now I'm curious again!!
Seeing Sam on Saturday so I wondered what changes are coming my way this week!! OOOOOhh I can't wait!!! Only joking Sarge!
Anyway, must get some sleep although I'm not tired and my mind is just doing overtime!
Need to try meditation like Jodie.
Have a great Thursday and Friday and I hope to update at the weekend.
So the days are passing me by! I don't actually think I realize wha's going on? Does that make sense to those that can remember their first comp prep?
I sort of feel that I'm on this road and although I know what direction I'm heading I'm not quite sure what the outcome will be or mean to me?
I am just planning each week with Sam and Hubby, putting it on my schedule, the schedule then gets printed up, put on the 'Comp Notice Board' and thats whats happens, come hell or high water, workouts get done, food is prepared and eaten as prescribed.
And that is how it has been since the day my 16 weeks prep started. Not one missed session, not one meal missed, no cheats, I've done everything i'm told. Perhaps in the first few weeks the only thing I could have improved on was intensity of weights sessions but still I trained hard, just found out it wasn't quite up there when I started having my sessions with Hubby.
I am not writing all this to boast or glote, just so I can try and understand what has been going on the last 13 weeks!! I feel like I'm in a bubble and everyone else is just doing what they do in there lives and I'm just doing what my life requires right now.
Perhaps it will all hit in soon, but even just reading this back now I still feel kind of fuzzy.
Anyway, energy levels are good, training good this week, not hungry just starting to crave..............................................Biscuits,
in particular Custard creams
Also and quite badly wanting this........ a maple and pecan tart, with freash cream or custard or perhaps both I don't think I care!! :)
Anyway mouth is watering!!
So to my comments from last post -
DI - Thanks for being excited for me!! as I don' seem to be for myself? Also dissapointed I won't get to met with you I thought you were coming, oh well next time. :)
Stacey - I will post a picture of me at my heaviest for you at the end of this post. Thanks for dropping by, I'm following your journey too!
HILDS, KELLY and SELINA - can't believe I will get to meet you all, sounds like I may have a few cheers to help my hubby out???? :)
Bev - Thanks for the comment Bev, good to see you back in blog land and will still be following your journey. Great news about becoming Reps in WA for the new Federation, had an e mail saying perhaps a show for WA later in the Year, count me in!!
PIP - thanks for coming to Bodyattack on a Tuesday, great to hear you enjoy your clas, thats the main thing and the reason I love to instruct, if we can make exercise fun whilst getting results then what better outcome!
Anyway all, better go and pick up my little girl, full on night ahead, more unpacking.................
Food shopping, with kids in tow!!!!!, dinner to prepare for them and Paul when he gets in late, and me to sort out for a busy day tomorrow.
For Stacey and Hilds - Shar at 100kg..............
26 days, 26 days, 26 days, 26 days......have to keep saying it, can't believe where the time is going and also that I need to get this butt into better shape in so little time!! ARRGGGHHHHH!!
So whats been going on in the world of Shar's prep.
Weights - 4 time per week Bodyattack - 5 per week now Bodybalance - 4 this week CARDIO - 6 sessions this week
Everything is running to plan, had my usual Saturday session with SARGE (the name is definately SARGE NOW!!) and don't tell her :) but her guard came down a couple of times when she had me posing and she got a little excited - stating ' oh I'm so excited for you, your looking good'..............didn't last long though and she was back to shouting out the commands!!
Then came the diet assessment! definately a Sarge then! mixing it up a bit as of last week and seems to be working, I can feel my metabolism firing!
I am struggling a bit with holding the poses for any period of time so have alot of work to put in from now until comp day to get the body used to it. Routine is done and dusted now, just practice, practice, practice. I love it and Sam is so cool at all that stuff.
Legs have come in a bit again this week and Sam reakons my butt has too, i'm getting the skin thing happening though, from where I have been 100kg twice and back down, goosey loosey on the ass I'm afraid, not alot I can do about that.
26 days, 26 days, 26 days........... oh there i go again, sorry :)
Alot been happening, moving, what a bloody nightmere! I have a interstate trip for 4 days with work a week out from comp! then my in-laws arrive! thats actually not a bad thing, just have to have the house sorted by then, then Paul and I will be flying to Melbourne on the Thursday before comp.
I was soooooo stressy last week, but have tried and suceeded in adopting the mindshift of - what seems like the end of the world now won't do in an hour, breath, chill and don't let it beat you. Since trying that I have remained calmer and have found focus again this week, I was letting other shit take my mind away and at this stage, THAT CAN'T HAPPEN!!
I am getting some pics done at 2 weeks out from comp by a client of Paul's, this is super exciting for me, I've booked my hair and make up with Maurice Meade and will tan up a little more, some beach shots are on the cards. Gonna freeze my *##! off though!
Anyway, feeling tired now so will get some ZZZZZZZZZZZ's
Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you greater than any obstacle. Christian D Larson
Shar's 2008 Goals
To become a strong and positive woman by working on my thought processes and behaviours. Take on board the opinions and advice of those I value and love only. Spend quality time with my husband and children. Continue to achieve at work. Train and eat consistently to help me find a place physically I like to be at. Compete in Figure again, having made improvements on last time I stepped on Stage. Consistently blog, using the fantastic support network that I have found you all to be.