Quick update

Just a quick update.
Mainly to say a big THANK YOU to everyone who left me a comment or e mailed me direct after my post on Tuesday.
The support is fantastic and really brings home what a support network we have here.

So what has happened since my post......LOTS.

I have done alot of soul searching.
I have come to realize it has to be about the mind not just the body.
I had a defining moment tonight, will share with you soon.
I have sought some help and guidence to get me back on track.
I will deal with this day by day, step by step.
I have removed my next comp from the agenda (for now)I have to make inroads towards living this daily without having an end date all the time.

Not bad for 3 days, still a huge way to go but I am feeling very positive about my direction.

THANKS AGAIN EVERYONE

SHAR XXXX

Your choice to read or not ......

Disclaimer
I do totally know that there are people out there worse off than me, people that are sick and poorly, people that are going through stressful situations, people that have had a loved one taken from them etc.
I do know that what I’m about to post will seem minor to some.
I do know and fully acknowledge how lucky I am. I have a gorgeous husband who really does love me unconditionally and ALWAYS tries to help me, my children are truly a gift to me and I am very lucky to have been chosen to guide them, I have a mum who has taught me a lot, whom I love dearly and has so many qualities I aspire to, my sister and best friend Nicola who I just adore & have been blessed to have a part of my world.

SO, when reading this please remember I started this blog to record MY journey, my thoughts, I promised to always be honest with what I write.

I was going to shut my blog down but feel that I have learnt so much from you wonderful group of bloggers over the last two years it would be a shame to do that.
I also find this a very useful tool in my life with regards to being able to ‘talk’. I am apart from my family. I can talk to Paul but there are only so many times I can burden him with the same thing over and over.
So I find in great to just type my feelings sometimes.

(Inserted after finished typing!)
WARNING – Long post, lots of ramble but it feels good.

So here goes…………..
I have felt like this before and it scares me.
The last time I felt like this I was 100kg and probably at my lowest point.
Since comp, 19 whole weeks ago now, I have been training consistently but have only had 6 weeks in total of eating well, a block of 4 weeks and another block of 2 weeks.
I have constantly been fighting myself, I feel totally lost, totally out of control, total embarrassed, disgusted, weak, inferior to name but a few feelings.
I have spent my life (in my eyes) not quite being good enough, feeling the lesser one, I always think people are judging me, never feeling I deserve to just find that place, that even keel, its almost like I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t struggling.

Some of you will know my history with my body image / weight, some wont but without going into it, it’s a long history of yo-yoing to extremes.
My life has been about weight and how I look. I don’t like it like this but I am just not happy being overweight yet I allow myself to lose and gain in a repeated cycle.
If you are saying’ ‘oh god, suck it up and get on with it’or ‘there are more important things’ then please know that if I could control this I would. Those that have been there and been consumed by something similar will relate, but maybe you are just not a repeat offender, I unfortunately have been

I feel I am at rock bottom again, I’m the heaviest I’ve been since we arrived in Australia and need to lose 11kg.
Although I’m just hanging in there and stopping getting to the point where I won’t be able to get back up easily, I feel more hate, more disgust, more embarrassment than ever before. I feel very sad right now.

I clearly have underlying issues and have started to look into getting these dealt with by someone outside my circle. This will take time.

In the meantime I decided to write this, in the hope I can release it as I have just been bottling everything up until today I just broke down.

This is neither healthy for me or my precious family.

My husband brought it home to me today when he said ‘you have to realize that it is not only you that is affected, in a round about way it affects Maddi and Bryce. I just want to help you and you are doing your health no good’.

Whenever I have made a change before, I have made the decision, made the choice not to be this way anymore and I have succeeded, I read my whole comp prep today, that is just one example of when the decision is made.

This time I just haven’t been able to find the switch and it has remained very dark.
Perhaps getting this off my chest, admitting that if I don’t make a change again I may not be able to claw my way out.

I have to find the belief in myself.

Shar x

Thanks Di.......

..........for giving me the kick up the butt that I needed to post again......
and because you asked so nicely I will update on my new additions.

Once again I would like to say I cannot believe how easy this whole process has been for me, the research, the pre operative process, the surgery, the recovery, the aftercare, everything really has been just fantastic.

I am more than happy with my results.

Here are some pics.......

BEFORE & AFTER (Side View)

BEFORE & AFTER (side angle)

BEFORE & AFTER (front)

So other stuff....

Tomorrow see's me start my new position - SUBIACO PLATINUM GFM!!!!!! for Fitness First.

I have 2 and a half weeks and the club will open, so some really busy times ahead.

I started back teaching last Monday and all is well. Have to have a very tight bra on to hold them still for Bodyattack but apart from that all is good.

Have started training with weights again and been out for 2 runs this week.

Maddison had her birthday party yesterday, she is 4 on Thursday!! We had a special party room at an indoor play place. She chose the disco room! glitter, hair and clothes were carefully chosen by the madam herself. She had a ball.

We also had a trip to School on Friday. Maddi got to meet her teachers and see her classroom for when she starts in FEB 08.

Bryce is still being the usual good boy, came home with a merit certificate from school for his effort in class, being happy and outgoing member of the class and taking a mature approach to his work this term. can't ask for more really. :)

Paul is working hard as usual and loving his job, building his client base everyday and even has no slots left in the evenings.

So that's me and my update.

Shar x

HAPPY BIRTHDAY
MUMMA SAM!!

X X X

Tag-a-rooney!!

Thanks for the tag Mumma Sam.

Four dishes I like to cook:
1. Spag Bol
2. Salmon
3. Roast Dinner
4. Pasta Bakes

Four qualities I love in people:
1. Honesty
2. Passion
3. Organisation
4. Kindness

Four Places I have been:
1. Route 1 round Australia
2. Cuba
3. Greece
4. France

Four things in my bedroom:
1. Mess!! Very un-virgo like!
2. A shoe rack for my Nike shox - 14 pairs
3. MY BED!! I say everynight when I get into bed "I love it here, I just need to get here a little earlier"
4. Very Virgo like! - a set of drawers just for my teaching clothes. A bodyattack drawer, a bodybalance drawer etc etc. Sad I know....

Four dirty words I like to use:
1.Can't bring my self to write any bad words here!! My mum reads :)
2.
3.
4.

I tag Magda, Ursula, Nicole, Ali and Hilary.

To respond to a tag, cut'n'paste the questions above and answer to your heart's content!

Ain't another woman that can take your spot.....

My Love......
Yes indeedy, I went to Justin's concert on Saturday night!!!!!!!




and here he is!












It was just amazing. I am a big fan of him and his music and some of you may know I
won best routine at the All females, thanks to 'MUMMA SAM's' fab routine using Justin's - My Love song.

We had great seats and the whole show was great.

Anyway enough of Justin (for now!), I'm still healling well, I tried low option Bodyattack on Saturday, it killed me!! not to do it but to do LOW OPTIONS!! ARRGGHHHHHHH!!

Anyway, the bounce needs to be tamed a little more than the bra's I had on, so just gotta strap em in a little tighter! and all should be good.

Full movement in my arms, up, out, around, forward back in bench press motion, just not feeling I can do anything with weights and nor am I supposed to until 6 weeks.

I have a very busy few weeks coming up, actually not a few, quite a few. :)

I am hanging for the new Les Mills chorie and we have our quarterly workshop on Sunday coming.
I am going to make a one time comeback and do my first love - Bodycombat. Just because we have Rachel Newsham coming to Perth to present it, she is Bodycombat's programme choreographer, along with her other half Dan, but he's not coming. She is just amazing and has such a great presence.

CLAUDINE - FANTASTIC!!!!! WELL DONE, you deserve it!! 2nd place is GREAT!

Hope your all well

Shar x

Part 2 - Recovery

17 days since surgery and all is well!! VERY WELL

I have to say I have found the whole process so far a smooth one.

I am now back to exercising daily at low intensity.
From 5 days after surgery I have been out walking, at a brisk pace daily.

From 10days after surgery I have been back at the gym doing low intensity cardio
on the crosstrainer, walking incline and recumbent cycle being careful to keep a low to moderate heart rate only due to the risk of internal bleed or clot formations being disturbed.

At 12 days after surgery I commenced a lower body circuit with Hubby guiding me, light body weight exercises, seated ham machine, some medicine ball work.

My doctor is well known Perth and is highly recommended. When I was researching having the procedure, I took this into account and along with the professionalism of him, when I met with him and that of his clinic and staff I made my decision to book my operation.
Before surgery his was the only name that came up when receiving recommendations and since surgery when I have been asked by someone who did my op and I state his name, they either say "that's who my friend/sister/cousin etc went with" or "that's who has been recommended to me".
I am in no doubt whatsoever I have had the best Surgeon do my Breast Augmentation.

My after care has been amazing.
Day 1 Surgery
Day 2 - seen by doctor
Day 3 - Clinic, seen by doctor and nurse
Day 5 - Clinic, sen by nurse
Day 10 - Clinic, seen by doctor and nurse
Day 16 - Clinic, seen by nurse

So my incisions have healed 'extremely well' and look 'really good' for 16 days apparently
I have started to use my bio oil.

So all in all so far so good on the 'boob' front. :)

I had a few days after surgery where my food was a little snacky and picky due to feeling a bit offish and I just ate what I fancied, when I was awake and hungry.

But all back on track now. Paul is committing to clean eating with me so that helps alot.

Paul and I have decided to design my nutrition plan and if I do say so it looks good.
It will take me to the end of the year along with a training plan we have put together, then a change in training and food in the lead up to official prep, which will start for All Females in July.

I think the saying is 'All coming together nicely'.

OH YEAH!!!!! How did I forget this and not post it as the beginning!!
We have a new Fitness First Opening in WA, December 13th.
FITNESS FIRST SUBIACO PLATINUM

I interviewed last Thursday and was told yesterday I will be the Group Fitness Manager there!!!!! I AM OVER THE MOON!!
I just love teaching GF and cannot wait to design & implement the Timetable and recruit a passionate group of Instructors to make 'my' new club a raving success especially in the GF studio.

Be Strong, Be confident, Believe,
Shar x

Believe in yourself and
all that you are.
Know that there is
something inside
you greater than any
obstacle.
Christian D Larson

OVERDUE UPDATE!!

At last.....
Thanks for all the well wishes, good luck comments and even the personal e mails checking that I am OK!!!

So, my new 'boobs'. . . . . . . . . .ARE GREAT!!!!
I have alot to update so will do it in parts!

PART 1 - Breast Augmentation - My Experience (WARNING: may be boring)
Monday 22nd October
My Dad drives me to the Hospital on the way to work, I head in, book into the DOSA (day of surgery admissions), which is like a big doctors surgery waiting room.

After being processed and in order of time of operation you get called to head up to another waiting area which is next to the preparation ward.

See the anaesthetist, (asking him for pre-med to be prescribed!), get called through to a bed, nurse does all pre-op checks, gown up, in my case ask for the pre-med the anaesthetist prescribed, get sleepy watching tele in bed.

The op time comes and I was wheeled to theatre, saw doctor who drew lines on me, given anesthetic, mask over face...................ZZZZZZZZZZZ

WAKE UP!!! tightly bandaged around torso and chest, no pain, just tightness. Drains either side.
Taken to my room, stats taken and checked by nurse, shown how to use my call bell and bed remote......... ZZZZZZZZZZ AGAIN!!!

Drift in and out of sleep, see lunch come and go as just couldn't stomach anything, start to feel a little discomfort, not pain, ask for some painkillers.........ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ AGAIN.

Barely manage to string a sentence together when Paul visits, once he's gone I wake up a little, still can't eat my dinner, watch tele, and keep looking down checking out what may be under all the bandages!! Really hard to gauge as the bandages push them down and in and you can't really get an idea of how they look.

Nurse makes me drink a glass of water and then comes back and wants me to get out of bed to go to the toilet. Back to bed, get comfy, NOT, to go to, yes you guessed it SLEEP :) for the night. Due to the painkillers wearing off and having slept pretty much all day I am wide awake at 2am, cant really move alot as I was scared I would pull something, so just lay there for a couple of hours and finally got of to sleep.

TUESDAY 23rd October
Breakkie brought round, which I was gagging for, I was starving.
Nurse then came and un-bandaged me, then I could see my new 'boobs', was a little worried at first as to how high they seemed to be. It felt so good to have the bandages off.
Was advised by the nurse to take some painkillers about 1 hour before drains were removed so did that.
My doctor came round to check, he was pleased with how they were looking.
Nurse then came to remove drains, now, this did hurt!!! but was about a 3-4 seconds each side to remove them, she then put on waterproof dressings and then I could have a shower.

I was then re-bandaged and off home to rest for the day until my appt at the doctors rooms the next day, to be shown how to massage them and be fitted with the Bras I am living in day and night for 3 weeks.

So step by step how it was for me from entry to hospital to home.
Overall a positive experience, very little pain, more like discomfort and I am pleased to report my results are getting better by the day.

If anyone has any questions please ask in comment or e mail me.

Part 2 - Recovery to come soon
Speak soon
Shar x