12 weeks 6 days out

Day 23 of 112

So, another week down. Week 3 went well again. 13 to go.

So here comes some honest thought and feelings I said I would have in this blog.

Why do I feel strong, focussed and in control??? In all honesty it is worrying me.

I have had years and years of the total opposite.....feeling weak, unfocussed and so out of control sometimes I'm not sure how I didn't balloon to 100kgs more than twice!

I do understand that, yes, I have only done 3 weeks, and to some this is a meesley amount of time.

BUT let me tell you I can honestly say even when I have dieted and exercised my way down from 100kgs to 55kg twice, even when I was following weight watchers, even when I lost 11kgs at the end of last year, I have NEVER stuck to it totally all day every day for more than 6 days!!

I would always have a free meal, which turned into a free day and most of the time I would do that on a Saturday, so my mind is that messed up from years of yo-yoing that I would right off Sunday and binge all day, ready to 'START ON MONDAY', the good old classic diet starting day.

I have alot of other demons I could run on about but I hope the above explains a little as to why I'm wondering where the hell has this commitment come from and I also worry that I'm just gonna crash and burn any minute now.

Perhaps I do really want this, perhaps I have something to prove to myself, perhaps I have changed my mindset..................... perhaps, I've doubted myself for too long and I am stronger than I think?

I am just so used to feeling inferior, a lesser person, a fake in my industry, a crap role model for my daughter and a whole heap of other shit.

BUT just writing this down has opened my eyes, reading back through this post has made me realise...........
WHY WORRY ABOUT IT!!!!!!! If i'm doing it now, if i'm focussed and strong, harness it and move forward and maybe, just maybe I can make this dream a reality.

Shar x
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Believe in yourself and
all that you are.
Know that there is
something inside you
that is greater than
any obstacle.
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Christian D Larson