From the heart...............

PART 1

So, Hi, a long absence needs some explaining perhaps?

This post and perhaps a few more if I don't have time to tell my story, comes from the heart, no bullshit, truth and honesty all the way.
Perhaps it will help someone, perhaps someone will relate, but if not, so what! it will damn sure help me to get it out!

POST COMP COME DOWN
I was totally and utterly over the moon about how my comp day went.
I went into the comp as I vowed I would, having given everything I could to both my training and diet.
I enjoyed EVERY minute. My hubby was proud, Sam was pleased with me, I was pleased with myself and all I had given, I placed 2nd, won best routine, what more could I ask for??

Nothing.

Surely now I had achieved what I wanted to, I had stuck to a plan for 16 weeks, 16 whole weeks, I could continue with my new found discipline, my new found control.

NO, I couldn't.

In the days following the comp I found myself down, tearful, questioning could I have given more and worse of all BINGEING EXCESSIVELY.

After a week or so I tried to reign it in and get back on track as it was my intention to go on and compete in the WA STATE comp.
Surely I could get my shit together and get back on track, I had just done it for 16 Bloody weeks, what the hell is wrong with me?
A week turned into 2, then 3, I was fighting myself every minute, every hour, every day to get back to clean eating.

The weeks were slipping by and the WA state comps getting closer, so back to Sam went, fully clothed and refusing to take any off!! She looked at me and told me that I looked fine and we can make it.
BUT how can the Shar I see in the mirror differ to what everyone else is seeing, coz I'm seeing some weak willed, fat, bloated, out of control individual.
I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper and there was no-one who could possibly help me up again.
I felt exactly the same, if not worse then I did at my biggest of 100kg. The feelings were painful and still are.
I felt / feel pathetic, weak, disgusted and useless.

I believed in Sam and got back on track with my food, still fighting daily. But, the commitment and desire just wasn't there.
I sat down with Paul and decided that I was wanting to compete in this comp for the wrong reasons.
ALSO, very important to me is to be TRUE TO MYSELF. I promised myself if I ever went on to do a second, third, fourth comp I would always aim to step onstage in better condition than the last comp, I would not have been able to keep this promise to myself , so for that and the other reasons, I decided not to compete at the WA STATES. I am gutted but know deep down it is the right decision.

So to sum up, a fantastic ending (the comp) to a long journey (16 weeks comp prep) but a real mental beating after comp. I cannot fully explain what this has done to mentally, but I will have a fully planned after comp routine for my next comp and one thing I do know is that I will make it through this, I just have to find the belief in myself again.

Believe in yourself and
all that you are.
Know that there is
something inside you
greater than any obstacle.

Christian D Larson

Shar x

IMAGINE..........

Here we go again!

Hi All

Just want to start by saying a BIG Thank you for all the comments!!!

Adele - Thanks for following my journey

Kelly - I didn't even know you were going o be at the show!! so gutted I missed meeting you!!

Mandy - Thanks for your congratulations

Lia - Thanks again for making me smile!! I was concentrating so hard!! So good to meet you.

Hilds - I did enjoy the whole experience and that is all I can ask for. Have had a few moments this week when I sat and looked at my 'whole' journey!! Very emotional. Great to meet you and I can't wait to see you up on stage!

Jodie - great to meet you too, thanks for the support on the day!

Kie - Thanks for your congratulations

Amy - Thanks for your congratulations

Pip - Keep pushing hard in your own challenge and Thanks for all your support each week when you come to my class!

Selina - i was good to meet you after all this time!! I only wish I had more time to sit and chat. Thanks for all your comments, and for posting a BUTT shot on your blog!!!!

Magda - Thanks for your congrats, you will make it too!! and the feeling is so worth it! Thanks for the e mail, I will get a chance to respond when I get back from my hols.

Ali - Great to meet you too. I'm looking forward to following your journey to your next comp.

Rae - Thanks rae, came in at the best I could be, thats all I needed to do for myself. Now I have areas to improve on and the work continues!

Hilary - have had this week off and eaten all the craving foods!! Yummy, my taste bids don't know whats happening! :)

Deb - thanks. Yes, I came in quite lean in my back. I am very pleased with my legs!! they just seemed to appear one day, it was great!

Liz - have taken this week of extra training, went straight back to teaching, in hindsight, should have aken the week off classes too!!

Livy - you can be powerul and strong, you must firstly BELIEVE you can make he change and the rest will follow.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * ** *

So whats been happening since last saturday's comp?

We flew home on Sunday at Midday, I had about 10 or so friends com round to my BYO Cake party and showed off my medal, trophy and some pics.

I went staright back into training on Monday with a hard back session with Hubby and then swiftly decided to take the week of extra training. I had all my classes to teach though so no rest for the wicked.

I had a bit of difcult from Tuesday onwards with exreme swelling and waer retention in my lower legs, SOOOOOOO painful!! Joints became swoleen and it hurt just to move, let alone walk.

They have gotten beter as the week goes on but still gave my pain when I had to teach Bodyatack this morning.

So, we are off on holiday tomorrow, north of Perth approx 800km to Kalbarri and Monkey Mia.

I can't wait for the week away, work has been pretty stresy with alot of change and sickness amognst instructors.

There is no rest for the wicked though as I am now 11 weeks 5 days out from comp!!

Yes you heard right, I'm going to compete again in the INBA WA State Titles on October 13th.

So officially in Prep again and will be documenting my journey on this blog again so please come along for the ride.

So a little cardio to do whilst away and we are taking all the weights we can reasonably fit in so I can train. Food is all prepared and ready to go in the esky in the morning.

Anyway I will update again once we return next weekend, will also have my first weeks skinfold results etc.

Hope you are all well, thanks for continuing to read and also Thanks again for your comments, they mean alot!

Shar x

Professional pics I had done - two weeks out from comp........

INBA All Females 2007 - Novice Figure (Class 1 - Short)

Hey all

IT'S ALL OVER!!!!!

• I made it to stage after a 16 week prep.
• I placed second and am happy with how my posing wen, there are a few bits I could polish but of course you can only improve
• After not really loking forward to doing my routine it was just so enjoyable and I won best routine
• A personal overall sum up of my condition would be that I came in very lean and had good muscular shape and symetry but really need to build some muscular size. I am deinately looking forward to doing that and making impovements and at the end of the day that is how we develop and move forward. We all have our own starting point.

I have alot of other thoughts, comments, wants, needs, etc etc going on. This was always going to be my blog space to write my honest feelings and thoughts, BUT, right now I feel it's best I leave it with the summery above and have a few days to mull it all over.

Here's a few pics for those who are waiting....... THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT OVER THE LAST 16 WEEKS.

Front Double Bicep

Tricep Pose

Pose during routine

Back pose (backstage)

Just a THANK YOU to all those at the comp that were cheering me on and encouraging me.

I got to meet Sue, Di, Jodie, Ali, Jacinta, Jo, Hilde, Christy, Selina, Lia, Katie......... Probably have forgotten someone, not intentional if I did, sorry!!! I hope not as it was a pleasure to meet you all and have some support.

(Lia - your loud reminders to smile were so welcome!! )

To SAM.......

I cannot Thank you enough for your help, guidence, patience, attention and knowledge. You got me to stage and when I post the before pics you will see how far we have come!! You are a true gem. THANK YOU, my dream has been made real and I wil continue from here.

LOVE YA......... SHAR-D-O xx

PS ( Thanks for the cool routine!! I've been called a mini sam!! Poor you!)

Speak soon

Shar x

2 Days out

Hey all,

my last post before I will be reporting some kind of results / pictures for you!

It is offically Thursday (VERY late Wednesday night!!) so I have 2 days to go!!

We have to be up at 5am to get to airport for 6am, ready to fly at 7am.

So have spent the night packing, sorting food, ensuring I haven't forgoten anything etc.

very tired and glad that today is done with.

Thanks for all your comments, those that are going, I'll see ya Saturday!! WOW I can't believ i's here!

Those that are watching via blog updates!! I'll get you some pics posted as soon as we are back home in Perth on Sunday arvo.

Shar x

4 days out and struggling!

FIRSTLY THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR COMMENTS THEY
MEAN SO MUCH!!

I have to be honest as I said I would when I started this comp blog - but I am reallly struggling to hold it together tonight!

I'm hungry, i'm tired and not sleeping whatsoever, I'm still working, teaching and trying to be a mum, wife and daughter in law!

If i take a look back I am proud of where i have come from, i am proud that really I haven't had to many motivational problems, I haven't had any slip ups food wise and I have managed to get through without finding it hard.

Don't get me wrong I wasn't expecting an easy ride in the last week but it seems to have just walked up and smacked me in the face big time!
Sorry for the moan but I thought i would share my feelings.

I will go to bed, try and sleep and pull it together for another day ahead.

I taught at 6.15am this morning, did cardio, trained shoulders, work a few hours, then headed into the city to teach a Bodybalance and a Bodyattack.

I was waxed from top to toe today, not as bad as the first time. I have nails and pedicure tomorrow which will be 1 and a 1/2 hours of bliss so I have that to look forward to.

Tomorrow I have a weights session, Bodyattack class and Bodybalance to teach in the morning, a tanning session and then my final Bodyattack class in the evening to teach.

Hope you are all well and I would love to respond to everyone individualy but just can't right now. Please know that your comments are appreciated!!

Shar x

HELLO LEGS!!! - 5 Days Out

Hey all

Well I'm back from Sydney work trip and I coped!! training was all done whilst away, food was absolutely perfect and I am so proud of myself for pulling it all together.

Also................. I won GFM of the year for WA!! Go me!

Thanks for all your comments and Thanks to Liz for your e mail wishing me luck on Saturday
I am really looking forward to meeting you all but a little worried I won't get much time on the day!

Anyway, just a quick one as I am fading fast, the changes have really affected my energy levels.

I'll try and update tomorrow and give you a little more info re: prep and results at this stage.

Lets just say 'SARGE' seems happy with how I've come in and my legs are well and truly here!!! YAY!!!
Put it this way i NEVER wear shorts for my classes etc, but Sunday I put my 'one week out from comp' shorts on!! They will only ever be worn during this time but will definately be worn as much as possible!!

In-laws arrived from the UK today and all is going to plan..................JUST!!

Speak soon
Shar x